Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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