i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
