Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
