i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Randomize
