did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Randomize
