then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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