Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
