and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
