He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize