talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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