just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
