doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
