The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
