You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
