after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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