I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
