she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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