Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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