thus making me awesome and them whores
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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