I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize