I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
