He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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