Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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