you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Let's get the cat blown out
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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