I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
