If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I love how my cats smell like pot.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
