actually, I'm a sock model
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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