she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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