I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
