Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
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