his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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