well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
