Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
