he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
she told me i tasted like america
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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