i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
