he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize