She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize