Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Randomize
