Apparently you make a good broom.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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