Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
