First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
