i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Operation Purity has been aborted
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
