i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
