I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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