i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
