Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
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