He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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