were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Randomize
