You're completely useless in the revolution.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
