Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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