you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
