So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
