They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize