she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
This is my gift to your gina
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Randomize
