I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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