I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I supernannyed him into submission
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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