Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
