I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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