where am i from again
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
