I must be too annoying 4 u.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize