i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
