Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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