when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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