dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
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